Evan has had to make the biggest adjustment to living in India, and it has not always been easy. For starters, there is no TiVo, no playgrounds, he has only a limited amount of toys, and to top it all off there are people everywhere that want to touch him. As we meet people, he has, at times, been down right awful - throwing himself on to the ground, running away screaming, or yelling loudly whenever someone tries to speak to him. On several occasions it has been really embarrassing for Pat and me.
What to do? While his behavior has often been inexcusable, I recognize the fact that Indians have a different set of social norms when it comes to children. They are, in a word, direct. And when I say “Indians” I literally mean ALL Indians – men, women, children, literally everyone. A typical interaction between the person on the street and Evan goes something like this:
Stranger: “Come here.” (Yes, people actually say this)
Evan: “NOOOOOOOOOO”
Stranger reaches out to touch Evan on his face. “What is your name?”
“AAARRRHGGHHHH” Evan runs away screaming, usually, but not always, ending with a dramatic fall to the ground.
In my mind, through my forced smile, I want to yell: “Please don’t touch him!” Instead, I end up apologizing for his meltdown with a feeble excuse of his being over tired.
At home in the US there is a clear unwritten social rule about not touching someone else’s child. Since being in India I’ve had to learn very quickly to relax about people touching my children. In those first few days it was unnerving to have a complete stranger whisk Eli from my arms, and then touch Evan on the face, or worse yet, try to pick him up. I can’t say as I enjoy these type of interactions, but I have learned to accept it – what choice do I have? Evan, however, still hates it. He hates to be touched by anyone – even me sometimes. Even back when he was in daycare, he would occasionally get “written up” for taking down other toddlers who invaded his space. Like his mother, I guess he has a big personal bubble.
Pat and I are doing our best to keep a level head about this. We have instructed (begged, pleaded, threatened, cajoled and bribed) him to say “No, Thank you” if he does not want to be spoken to or touched. This has yielded very, very limited success – but, hey at least 1 out of every 10 interactions is not quite so mortifying.
If there is a silver lining to this, it is that Evan’s new playmates (most especially Vipanchika – Dr. Sharma’s youngest, who is 6) understand that he doesn’t like to be touched. They will instruct other children and adults not to touch in their native tongue. I find this intimate knowledge, and big sisterly protection to be very endearing, and frankly a relief.
What to do? While his behavior has often been inexcusable, I recognize the fact that Indians have a different set of social norms when it comes to children. They are, in a word, direct. And when I say “Indians” I literally mean ALL Indians – men, women, children, literally everyone. A typical interaction between the person on the street and Evan goes something like this:
Stranger: “Come here.” (Yes, people actually say this)
Evan: “NOOOOOOOOOO”
Stranger reaches out to touch Evan on his face. “What is your name?”
“AAARRRHGGHHHH” Evan runs away screaming, usually, but not always, ending with a dramatic fall to the ground.
In my mind, through my forced smile, I want to yell: “Please don’t touch him!” Instead, I end up apologizing for his meltdown with a feeble excuse of his being over tired.
At home in the US there is a clear unwritten social rule about not touching someone else’s child. Since being in India I’ve had to learn very quickly to relax about people touching my children. In those first few days it was unnerving to have a complete stranger whisk Eli from my arms, and then touch Evan on the face, or worse yet, try to pick him up. I can’t say as I enjoy these type of interactions, but I have learned to accept it – what choice do I have? Evan, however, still hates it. He hates to be touched by anyone – even me sometimes. Even back when he was in daycare, he would occasionally get “written up” for taking down other toddlers who invaded his space. Like his mother, I guess he has a big personal bubble.
Pat and I are doing our best to keep a level head about this. We have instructed (begged, pleaded, threatened, cajoled and bribed) him to say “No, Thank you” if he does not want to be spoken to or touched. This has yielded very, very limited success – but, hey at least 1 out of every 10 interactions is not quite so mortifying.
If there is a silver lining to this, it is that Evan’s new playmates (most especially Vipanchika – Dr. Sharma’s youngest, who is 6) understand that he doesn’t like to be touched. They will instruct other children and adults not to touch in their native tongue. I find this intimate knowledge, and big sisterly protection to be very endearing, and frankly a relief.
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